From Foster to Mom

FOSTER UPDATE: No longer fostering because: I will be adopting this little buddy. Many of you already guessed this and I’ve known since March. But today I got the official word that I can move forward with the process. It will take a few months for the adoption to go through and things like this hit many speed-bumps and can even come to a halt. So I will ask for your prayers.. That everything goes smoothly for Buddy’s benefit, that I will be the mom he deserves, and that we can keep him secure and surrounded in love for always.

When they chose me I asked (sobbed), “Why are you choosing me when I don’t come with a father for him?” And they said, “Because you come with an army for him.” Thank you, my dear, sweet army — OUR army. You make this single momma feel strong and capable! You make this baby feel loved and cherished. We love you and appreciate all your support!

Recently on spring break, a lady at the pool walked over. “I just have to say.. Your son is one of the best babies I’ve ever seen! So happy, so good natured.. And he adores you! Everything you did he was laughing and smiling, watching you with such delight! It’s clear you two are very close.”

While I don’t always share our story, I told her how much I appreciated her taking the time to say that because he was adopted and our bond has been my #1 priority since we first met. Her words were the kind you remember forever.

Someday I hope I get to be an old lady at a pool just affirming young moms and working on my tan! What a life!!

As for today, I may not have the healthy tan, but I don't show the daily gray of my motherhood either. I don’t show you pictures of the snack-aisle-worth of goldfish crushed into the seats of my car and that I’ve promised myself I’d vacuum up for weeks.

I don’t take selfies of my WTF-face when I come out in the morning to find a near-full gallon of milk on the counter because I forgot to put it back in the fridge after a late-night bottle that I shouldn’t even be giving him anymore.

I don’t take videos when we’re both crying in the back of church because I literally am not strong enough to hold my rambunctious boy still during Mass.

I don’t post stories with screenshots of my texts apologizing for backing out of another event because I cannot bear (or afford) to hire a babysitter for the third time this week.

I’ve never listed all the swear words I use in front of my kid when I’m frustrated, though I try to balance out the ones that start with F by yelling out “GOD BLESS AMERICA!” sometimes.

But I’ll post this picture because it is an accurate representation of the mess I am as a mom. I say that with pride and joy. What a blessing it is to be a mom, mess and all.